There is an old saying: “Good fences make good neighbors.” Having healthy boundaries in relationships is important for everyone, especially for people with a chronic condition like pulmonary hypertension (PH). Setting and defending boundaries allows you to protect your physical and mental health and focus on feeling your best while living with PH.
Setting boundaries can be hard. Your friends and family may not be used to you saying no or establishing limits for when and how you are available to them. They may expect you to have the same energy you had before you developed PH and symptoms like pain, fatigue, or breathlessness. No matter what, you are entitled to establish the boundaries you need to maintain your emotional and physical wellbeing. Setting boundaries to take care of yourself does not make you mean or selfish – it helps you focus on what you need to do to care for your PH.
Here are a few tips for setting boundaries clearly and compassionately:
After setting boundaries, do not be surprised if you need to defend them. Some people will likely test your boundaries, especially when they are new. Expect some pushback and consider what a good response might be.
Here are some examples of boundary testing and possible responses:
After testing your boundaries a few times, most people will understand that they are well-defended and learn to respect them. If you have allies who understand the challenges of pulmonary hypertension, ask them to help you defend your limits with others. Remember, you don’t need to apologize for setting good boundaries that help you stay healthy, manage your symptoms, and feel your best while living with PH.
Here are some conversations from myPHteam about setting and defending boundaries:
"I am sharing my experiences, hopes, fears, and concerns with long-distance friends who truly understand what this is like - not being able to breathe, being so darn exhausted, having pains, brain fog, and having to say no."
"Be your own patient advocate and don't just leave it up to the doctor."
"It does get easier as you find what your limits are and actually plan for those days that are not so good."
Have you successfully set boundaries that help you manage PH?
What tips would you recommend to help set healthy limits with others?
Share in the comments below or directly on myPHteam.